What is 'Friendship'?

According to the dictionary, it states that 'friendship' is the emotions or conduct of friends. The state of being friends. A relationship between friends. A state of mutual trust and support between or amongst them.

Very often, i wonder which of these friends i have, stay true to me or are genuine about our friendship. Some could be just taking advantage of me, using me, some could be just making friends for the sake of being nice, some could be geniunely taking me as a friend, some could have you know, like a secret mission in destroying me, some could be using me as a stepping stone to something even greater, some could be i don't know, trying too hard to maintain a forced relationship with me, some could be interested in me, i don't know.  It's really difficult to tell because it is not obvious at all. Or probably i'm just being oblivious about it.

In a friendship or even in a relationship, i believe that there are many factors involved in maintaining a good relationship but there's only two which i can think of now - Trust & Effort. There are definitely more but if you have, do leave a comment below. My brain juice have been taken up by my dissertation.

#1 TRUST
Trust is something which requires time to build up and to maintain a good relationship. Up till today, i can't say i fully trust all my friends (i do, but not fully), even some of my friends whom i always hang out with. I try to but i'm not willing to take the risk. Many people have advised me to take everything with a pinch of salt, it's not that i haven't but i have already did a little by little. Maybe it's just my zodiac/horoscope/blood type what-so-ever which i can find fault in, but for me, i pick the friends whom i want to hang out with, whom i choose to put in more trust than compared to others. (i'm just bias la) I'm not sorry because I don't think i am the only one in this world who is like that. I'm pretty sure you are probably like that as well and it's perfectly fine in being choosy in this sense. You won't want to end up hurting yourself right? With trust, i'm sure you're able to tell your friend anything under the sun, even showing them your weakest points.

#2 EFFORT
I guess maintaining a friendship requires loads of effort, thus the time taken too. Taking the initiative to meet up with them, catch up with one another, asking about their well-being, to chat with them. I'll admit that i love staying in my shell most of the time and not want to go out but i'll appreciate it if friends of mine are willing to pull me out of it. Okay, i should improve on this as well, i'm sorry. I will take some time off school and accompany those who ask me out okay? But on a serious note, this point is really important. Which kind of relationship doesn't have effort/initiative put in at all? Everybody loves being cared for. Everybody loves the attention from others. If you're not putting in effort then there's no point in keeping the friendship, right? It shows that you're not bothered at all. Friendship is like a two way street, you can't expect one party to be putting in all that effort. It is not a one way road. Just like love relationship, it takes two hands to clap.

Have you ever sometimes find yourself putting in more effort/trust in a friend but all you get in return is nothing? I know, one shouldn't be expecting much from them because after all they're just friends (bullshit! Friends are still people whom you have special feelings for.) but sometimes you just can't help but to feel disappointed. Especially if its someone whom you've placed your trust in. A simple 'hi' will help but no, even the slightest effort is not seen. Some might say that friendship cannot be measured, yes i agree, but it can be seen all through actions. Actions do speak louder than words. No, i don't see the actions. I don't get those words. It's like a blank piece of paper!

This is so frustrating. Whatever it is, i'm not going to be bothered by it anymore. Since you're not putting effort in it, then why should i do the same. It's not like i haven't, i did, i tried, have you? I'm just very disappointed. I'm sad. I'm feeling hopeless. I don't see anything coming out of this. I feel like giving up on this friendship because i think i've done enough. And it's not like losing one of you will make any difference. Chey~ Okay, i'm kidding. I cherish every one of my chosen friends alright. Keyword: Chosen. I'm so mean. What the heck man! Heehee!

Have you ever felt being used as well? God. This is the worst feeling ever. Friends who only find you when they need you is a horrible horrible thing that can ever happen. Hopefully, i don't have friends whom i trust doing this to me. If not, you. dead.

But anyhow, to those friends people, who have read this and feel guilty but still want to maintain the friendship between us and all out of a sudden you want to text me. Go ahead. I'll forgive you, for once. No second chance. You lose it then your tai ji. :)

p.s no, i'm not being emotional here. I'm just ranting it out since i've got no one to tell to other than myself using this platform. How sad~ Ah, screw this shit. I shall not let just one thing affect my mood!